It's Been A While

It has been a while since I last wrote, my apologies. For those who have been keeping up this is where I left off.
I kicked my boyfriend out and was getting ready to go back to school to get my Bachlors Degree in Paralegal Studies.
I did go to school and as a matter of fact my first semester is almost over and I more then sure that I will be receiving an A in both classes. I also quit smoking it has been about 2 months and I am ready to bite my own head off. I really miss smoking if only it didnt cause cancer.
I made a deal with myself that I would put 6.50 in a jar every day because thats how much I use to spend on ciggerattes a day and at the end the month I will put the money in my savings account.
So far it's about 338.00.
Anyway I still deal with the ex-boyfriend off and on but it is really finally time just to cut it off completly, I mean I find that i still deal with him and I dont like him very much.
So I figured out last night that its a rap stop dealing with somebody even if its only a little bit because you are use to them.
And hell no he hasnt moved back in and that will not be happening.

Other then that my children are great and the boys are playing baseball now.
I am a little overwelmed but thats my life I guess
Talk to you guys soon
Oh yeah I just had a birthday on April 11, I am 28 but I look like I am 21 lol

New Beginings

I havent been able to blog lately between work and the kids and getting all my classes and preping for school on monday it has been crazy.
Tonight I am going home and turning a gospel cd and cleaning my house
Everything is looking up, with GOD on you side anything is possible
Letting go of a bad relationship was rough, but renewing myself is great
I start school on monday I am going for my bacholars degree in paralegal studies
Thanks to all that advised me that that definetly was a good move
I will keep everyone updated on my accomplishments , sadness and happiness

Continue to keep GOD first stay faithful and trust that our father can do all things no matter how bad it gets.

oh Yeah

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YA
HAPPY BIRTHDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LISA

SHE DID IT!!!

I think my 2 year old is finally potty trained, it has been two weeks and she has not messed in her panties, she makes sure she asks me every time she has to go. I am soooooooo proud of her .
She is quite impressed with herself, we had a problem with the boo-boo, but i think we figured that too.
My sister (my personal quake) told me to give her a book while she is on the toilet and guess what she sat there I left the bathroom to give her , her space she does not want anyone looking at her while she boo-boos and sure enough she did it. In this case she was not all that excited she gave me the look like okay you dont have to be so loud about it my boo boo time thats a little personal.
But anyway she is doing it
CONGRADULATION GIA YOU ARE OFFICIALLY A BIG GIRL NOW!!!!!!

Time To Move Forward

Okay it has been a week and no harrasment from the ex-boyfriend that I kicked out of the house a week ago.
Thank GOD
In the meantime I just have been getting my stuff together, I start online college on Feb.22.
I am going for my bachlors degree in paralegal studies, I am still working and I have the three kids so that is really going to keep me busy.
I am really excited about it and within three years I will have received my degree, I will be 30 years then, so I will be young still and have a career that actually pays.
Its funny how it takes such a dramatic change in our lives like breaking up with someone to go out there and try to reach your goals, I always wanted to go back to school but with all the drama with him I was to tired to even think about it.
i am so tired of the struggle so I decided to get up off my ass and do something about it.
With GOD on my side I know I can do this.
Keep me in your prayers.
By the way the kids are great and my house is still crazy put only crazy becuase of the kids, everybody is a little more relaxed I guess becuase I am not stressed any more well not as much anyway.

I Can See Clearly Now The Rain Is Gone

Yes I Can See Clearly Now The Rain Is Gone....
he is out , he made a big seen on his way out and once I locked the door behind him he proceeded to bang on my window and all calling me all types of B*%#@ES .
Now let's back track did I not give him three weeks to find a place which he did, he stayed in my bedroom for those three weeks while I slept on my kids floor, stincking up the whole house with alchol coming out of his pores.
I took the whole weekend to clean my house and straighten up my closest, took my daughter and myself to the beauty parlor we all have family pictures to take on wensday, I'll take the boys today to get their hair cut.
I am kinda glad that he showed his butt becuase now I dont feel bad, my son and daughter heard him screaming all through the window and I dont appreciate that at all, disrespecting me and my kids by yelling and screaming at me.
But, hey another one bites the dust, a bad relationship, we learn something new through every bad relationship.
I have learned stop dealing with immature men that have no goals in life, the first sign you see that they are jacked up haul ass fast.
I have no hard feelings though I hope he can over come his issues one day and possibly be a good man to someone. (just not me).

I Knew It Was Only A Matter Of Time

I knew It was only a matter of time , before he started some stupid shit.
Today is 2/2, and he got most of his stuff out last night.
Everything was going smooth he stayed at my house last night.
Then the shit starts he wants to start talking shit just to irratate me, and oh he is taking his mattres, take the damn mattress I mean is that all you have to hold on to is a fucking mattress, just beat it.
I took his keys last night and when I get home is when he can come get the rest of the shit and the mattress, give me a damn break.
and if he doesnt come and get it the shit is going on the curb, I mean damn never ending story enough is enough go your way you got your studio apartment what the hell do you want.

Just take a damn hike PLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSE!!!!!!
So, anyway I told him when I get home he can come and get the rest of his stuff
He had a bond with my daughter he has been with her since she was 2months old when we were on speaking terms he asked me could he still see her, hell no get over it , if I do that he will use that to get on my nerves. She will be alright she is 2 and she has a father .
Anyway Hall Ass.

Anxious & Worried

Okay today is Monday and the man is leaving on Wensday.
I am so anxious for him to get out and worried at the same time.
Worried probably because I am afraid of that loneliness and the financial help which wasn't a whole hell of a lot but I needed it.
I put my faith in GOD when I told him I wanted him out and I am sticking to that, it is still very hard. I am still sticking to my guns and I am not changing my mind because I know that GOD wants better for me and I know that he will provide.
I also know that in time this will all go away, it's just hard as hell when you are in the mix of it.

I have to pray like four and five times a day for GOD just to help my sadness, I know longer ask for finance because I know GOD has that covered and to keep asking is not showing a whole lot of faith.
But lets look at the positives

1. More order in my house
2. no lazy man laying around while I am cleaning , cooking, dealing with kids.
3. My kids are not watching a man laying around while I am doing all these things and programming it into their heads that that is what they are supposed to be doing when they become men, or my daughter for that matter thinking that is what a women should be doing.

It's lonely when you don't have a companion but it is even worse when you have one and you are still lonely.

Okay I am feeling better already
Life goes on, I have 3 great kids, I have goals that I plan to meet
This is just another one of lives stepping stones

Life is what you make it!!

LET IT GO!!!

LET IT GO FOR 2006...BY T.D. JAKES
There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I
tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.
I don’t want you to try to talk to another person into staying with
you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you,
staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is
never tied to anybody that left. The bible says that, they came out
from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us.
For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us.
( 1 John 2:19 )
People leave you becuase they are not joined to you. And if they
are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay. Let them go. And
it doesn’t mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their
part in the story is over. And you’ve got to know when peoples part in your story is over
so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s dead.
You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something.
I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift, I believe
in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and
I know whatever GOD means for me to have He’ll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it.
Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!
"take you hands off it," they you need to... Let It GO!!
Let the past be the past. Forget the former things. GOD is doing a new thing for 2006!!! If you are holding on to something that doesn’t belong to you and was never
intended for your life, then you need to...Let It Go!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains...Let It Go!!
If someone can’t treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...Let
It Go!!
If someone has angered you...Let It Go!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...Let It Go!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...Let It Go!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents...Let It Go!!
If you have a bad attitude ...Let It Go!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...Let It Go!!
If you’re stuck in the past and GOD is trying to take you to a new level in Him...Let It GO!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship...Let It Go!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won’t even try to help themselves...Let It GO!!
If your feeling depressed and stressed...Let It Go!!
If there is a particular situation that you are used to handling yourself and GOD is saying

Let It Go!!! Get Right or Get Left... think about it, and then Let It Go!!!


Going through a break up and trying to get my life situation a little more stable.
Trying to understand why my relationships won't work out, paying more attention to GOD and my children, This defenitly helps me get through maybe it can help you.
Let It Go!!

Final Days

Well i finally gave my boyfriend his due date to get out.
Feb.1, I havent slept in my bedroom in a week becuase I kept asking him not to sleep in there and he kept on coming in the bed anyway.
So now I have been sleeping with my 5 year old and I dont have to tell you how uncomfortable that is.
I am preparing myself for the lonliness that I already feel but it is not strong enough for me to change my mind about the desicion that I am making. I am hurt but i guess thats what relationships gone bad will do to you
I know that i am a very stronged willed woman and I hold my own, I have to i have 3 small children to care for on my own, I just sometimes wonder if I am a little to hard
not hard but down to buisness, my boyfriend was 9 years older then me and acted like a selfcentered teenager
I dont know
I just hope I am not one of those woman who have diffrent partners and know real relationship i never even been married
know need to mope though I have turned my faith to GOD and I am trusting him for love, success, friendship and everything else that comes with it
Any one who reads this say a silent pray for me, that i can raise these kids properly and live my lif full and succesful and without to much more heartache

The Job

I am currently working for a lawyer, it's okay, he is about to teach me the real estate end of the game, I just hope i can learn it, I am afraid that I cant' learn .
Sounds stupid but it has been so long since I have been in school (whatever)
If I learn more I will start making more I mean that is the goal to make more money right
Being that I have3 kids and all
I guess I just do my best like I tell my kids.
Do your best and you can never fail
I remember when I was a little girl I said I was going to be a lawyer, well hey I least I am in a lawyers office

Just Do It

Just do it I keep telling myself.
That same boyfriend that I was complaing about in 2004 is still here and I am still complaining.
Last time I felt sorry for him and now I need him to help me pay the rent becuase I can not pay it on my own.
I dont like him at all I want him out of my face to never see him again.
He is the true meaning of an ass-hole
So I just need to kick him out, but I am scared I cant afford the rent on my own.
What do I do?
Do I keep putting up with someone that makes me so miserable.
I should step out on faith right trust GOD
Trust that GOD will get that rent paid for me
If you could only feel how so unhappy I am with this dude you would know.
So just do it right
Kick his ass out and keep him out
We dont have sex, we don't talk and when we do its arguing, I hate everything about him
I cook food he complains he spends more then most of his time in the streets and then comes in reeking of alcohol. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Please someone advise is needed I have 3 kids I cant allow this dude to keep stealing my peace.
My sister has been trying to advise me and I have been considering all but know one has no real answers.
I want him away from me fuzz a break I am finished but HOW

Iknow GOD will provide but I am afraid
I need to have a stronger faith I know
JUST DO IT

Exhausted

The point of my day is when I leave work @ 2:30 pick up my 5 year old and my 2 year old wait until 4:00 and pick up my 8 year old from his afterschool tutoring.
At that point we will then go home, I will probably be yelling for about an hour hang up your coats, stop running in the house, stop jumping on the couch, dont hit your sister, Did you go potty in your big panties
Cooking dinner and helping with homework is just the best. Burning up standing at the kitchen stove nobody remembers anything that they learned in school that will help them with their home work.

The Dinner Table, oh thats the best everyone is talking at the same time, the 2 year old is telling the 5 year old to "tud-up" so she can be heard, the 8 year old is telling the both of them to shut-up, so he can be heard.

After dinner, bath time, which is suuuuuuuuuuuch a project, bed time, everyone is thirsty, itchy you name it, they complain it.

Everybody is in bed and the kitchen looks like hell just hit it, I am like whatever

Take off my clothes. sit on the toilet, sit in piss.

Step on the rug to get in the shower, the rug is soaking wet, get in the shower, to then find that some little person has used up my body wash, so now I am forced to use a bar of soap which I hate, but I have to wash.

Once everything is over, I dive head first in the bed and I am asleep within 5 min, forget about a good book or a good movie.

Closure

TODAY I CALLED A FRIEND OF MINE THAT I HAD RECENTLY CUT OFF FOR VARIOUS ISSUESIT HAD GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE HER ISSUES HAD BECOME HER KIDS ISSUES AND HER KIDS WERE RUBBING OFF ON MINEI COULD NOT TOLERATE HER NO MORE ALWAYS DRUNK AND FOOLISH ACTING NEVER LISTENING TO ANYBODIES GOOD ADVISE AND ALWAYS TRYING TO GET SOME SORT OF ILEGAL SCAM GOING BUT NEVER THE LESS I CALLED HER BECUSE SHE HAD BEEN ON MY MIND AND SHE SOUNDED OKAY SHE CLAIMS THAT SHE ISNT DRINKING ANYMORE AND SHE HAS ENROLLED IN SCHOOL TWO NIGHTS OUT OF THE WEEKWE WONT BE COOL LIKE WE WERE BECUASE I DONT WANT TO I WOULD RATHER KEEP HER AT A DISTANCE BUT IT WAS NICE TO SPEAK WITH HERSOMETIMES PEOPLES BULL SHIT WILL STICK TO YOU AND I CANT AFFORD TO HAVE ANY MORE STUCK TO ME THEN I ALREADY HAVE

A New Day

I woke up this morning and put on the video channel (something I never Do) and it got my spirits going.
My kids were in shock of course becuase I dont allow videos but today I didnt care, got everyone ready for school and was on my way.
Stopped at the deli that I have been going to every day for the last five years on and off for the last 17 years and my usual coffee and taylor ham and egg sandwich. Then went to work.
Doesnt sound to interesting I know but... it's a new day.
Through all the shit I go through which I will tell on another day, I have to remind myself that I am still
here, I have 3 great kids (that drive me nuts).
The simple things in life is something that I know that I take for granted and I am trying to change that.
I drink a gallon of water everyday , I am taking vitamans, and I am just trying to look at the good in all situations, it's hard, very hard when you have so much on your plate dealing with 3 kids on your on, a job and a looser boyfriend that I am trying to get rid of, but I guess If I concentrate on all my negatives I am sure to have a stroke.
I guess what I am saying is try to truly, truly trust GOD for all the things, keep a smile love your kids, your family. Listen more talk less and keep your eye on your goals, and everything else will fall into place.
Now I really mean all of this, but its not to say that tommorow I'm not going to be stressed out a laying down more issues that one person can handle, cause If I didnt do that I wouldnt be real, but I like to think and try to be a lot calmer and relaxed.
We do our best and that is what I'm going to do.

Lord Teach Me

I have to ask God to teach me, I am going out of my mind. My boyfriend makes me sick to my stomach and has the need to let me know that our constant arguing is all my fault. He lives with me and I really want him out, but he has know where to go and I know he is a grown man oh well right. I have 2500 dollars worth of unpaid parking tickets and I am suspended, not to mention I physically lost my license so now I have no idenification.I am having big time behavior problems with my 4 year old who is just one of my three children, I make about 30,000 a year which is no where near enough for myself and my three children to really survive and that causes me to rob peter and pay Paul every single paycheck. I live in a 1 bedroom apartment my boys who are the oldest have the bedroom and my daughter and I sleep in the living room.I hate to be the complainer but I am so tired its not even funny not to mention that the girl who picks up my son for me after school has just let me know that she can't do it know more.Through all of these thing I really try to be a patient and pleasant person but it is damn hard. The state doesn't have help for people like me that work.I applied for based on you income apartments and they denied me becuase they said my credit was no good, how do you have based on your income housing and do credit check, I could see if it was a check to see if you have ever been evacuated but I owe a phone bill and I am denied.I go to the Dr today becuase my left arm is constantly aching, constant headaches and anxiety attacks, I am 26 years old this time of health issues should not even come up yet.If anyone reads this and has any suggestions please let me know.I know for a fact that there is always someone doing worst then you, so I am truly blessed if not for nothing but my life and my children, but I am sad, tired, depressed, I cry all the time and people that know don't even know that becuase I do it alone at night.So I ask you Oh Lord to teach me.

You Are Going Down

So, I am extremely pissed becuase my sons father is not complying to his child support order.He pays when he wants to and I am not beat.I called the child support probation officer and told him that I was tired of the shit, I need more money and I want the shit enforced on his ass.By the way he does absolutley nothing for our 3 year old.By doing that the officer found a lot of shit about ole boy that I am sure was not supposed to come out. 1. is that he probably bought a new house, oooooooohhhhhhhhh thats his ass becuase he is such a liar , he has this new girlfrien which he gor pregnant in no time and now this will be his 3rd baby momma, he has a child before mine which he does absolutley nothing for, I hope they take his ass down he should not be allowed to just drop sperm where ever he wants then things don't work out with the mother and now I don't want to do nothing for the kid come on now.The sad thing is that I told him a year or so ago before I took his rinky dinky ass to court that he didnt have to give me any money just go get what the boy needs, but no that was to damn hard for him to do. Whatever, I hope that they stick it to his ass, and if I can do anything to help them out I will I am tired being nice.Then you got guys like my boyfriend who childsupport is ripping him a new asshole and he still outside of childsupport does for his kids.Good Luck Baby DaddyHell have no fury like a womans child support money

Another Day in the Life of Me

As I sit and watch the clock, I can't wait to get out of work.Then I think to myself, leave work go pick up your one year old and three year old(also have an 8 year old but he is vactioning with daddy until next week) once i get them in the car it's tug of war over a fruit snack, juice spills, I want the park, I'm hungry, baby screaming, 3 year old whining, someone sneezes and now snot is in the front seat with me and I can't find a tissue, then the 3 year old kindly gets out of his safety harness to then put his pre-k art directly in my face saying "see mommy I draw that" and by him doing this I almost crash. In the meantime the 1 year old is still crying and she made a boo-boo.All of these events happen within 5 min of the ride home.So in saying all of that I ask myself why are you in a hurry to get home.